Thank you so much, to you, the first 50 readers, or so, for taking the time to read some of my writing! It’s great to get feedback and read content related to this practice of writing, indirectly even. I’m learning to edit or delete to make this writing more relatable. I will wait longer to publish (like at least a day) so I’m not changing my article umpteen times, and hopefully it can read somewhat like an interesting personal account of an application of pyschological self help for anxiety. Most of all thank you for the time you put in creating great content! It gets me thinking.
This is an anonymous memoir (well, as anonymous as it gets considering IP addresses and whatever…) Still, I’d like a place to just observe and help motivate myself. I find writing disciplines my mind, in a way, because there is so much to take in consideration.
I like that I can share something briefly and read other’s writing and get a different perspective. I feel like people genuinely want to help and be heard. In return, I’d like to make an investment of time to create something helpful and entertaining. Thank you for your understanding.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
This day’s challenge is to figure out how to deactivate or neutralize anxieties that were identified the other day. An ordeal can show us important observations. While I was was trying to mind my job one day, my heart feeling like it was frying in a skillet, I remembered an article that I had read. That people who were mindful of their breathing during tough times were found to have more complex brains. I noticed I was not breathing and my focus switched to take a slow deep breath and feeling my lungs stretch as I fill them with air. I could literally feel the pain dissolving from my chest.
Another thing that helped me over time is following an anti-candida diet. Which is basically eating as healthy as possible. The beginning phases may seem too stringent, but it’s only to allow the immunity to focus on the dysbiosis than the molds in foods. This time I got sick I knew I would need to get a more up to date book, so bought The Ultimate Candida Cleanse Diet, by Lisa Richards and Dr. Eric Wood, which was an alright price that includes two other books. One a picture filled recipe book with easy directions, and the other book on beating stress. I know as the months go by I will heal and feel at peace, like I have my sunshine shining warm nice feelings. My thoughts will be more helpful and kind because of the kindness I have shown myself.
As for my money situation I guess I will look around for another opportunity and think about it as one would with chess. I also like to watch YouTube videos on online business and minimalism.
And Finally, just writing helps me feel differently. Once I get it out, and people actually like my writing with which I hope I can make it helpful and not too much of a rant. I feel… happy.
I wrote down all symptoms related to my issue and made a tally from my current symptoms which I will do each Friday to make a health chart.
Most of the time I am pretty easy going. Generally, I try not to think about things that make me anxious, though I feel that is life. For relevance I will stick to the big things I know probably effect my health or have some sort of relationship to my health.
This is the weirdest anxiety I feel, I can’t understand. It’s a bit like Squidward refusing to eat a Krabby Patty and then one day he eats one, and he loves it and doesn’t want anyone to know, so he tries to go to work early to sneak into the Krabby Patty vault (which only exists in that episode) and SpongeBob catches him, but can’t stop Squidward from inhaling Krabby Patties and exploding from eating too many.
I’m always trying to eat healthy and somehow some other article gets me confused and it sets me back. Sweet potatoes are sweet, but I read about how they are healthy for diebetics and somehow thought that was ok. It’s not really. It’s not on the list for the first phase in any candida diet. But for now I will just glad I got some calories. Before I got sick I thought I was managing things well, but I made a lot of mistakes.
Money is a huge anxiety. I start to figure out how to make more money, but yeah… usually I end up asking my boyfriend for help with food, and then later remind me he helped me with that. I guess all I can say is thank you.
Seeing my boyfriend make a mistake causes anxiety too. Sometimes I don’t know how to word things so they sound helpful. Sometimes he is so tired. And I can understand that. Lately I’ve been trying to understand what is going on with him. I ask questions, and try to inspire him to see different perspectives. But most of the day I’m just trying to be helpful and appreciative. I ask that he keeps trying. I have seen how making an effort to do 3 or so nice things a day for my son has helped him because he puts more effort into doing a good job at school, so I try to me mindful and helpful to see if that will work for my boyfriend too.
Car payments, bills, work obligations, housework, homeschool coaching, and so many things I need to do make it a challenge to fit everything in. So much slips away undone. This I think would be great to do when finding time for myself:
-spend it on gathering wild edibles with antifungal properties
-grow herbs like cilantro to chelate the lead lingering in my bones
-And prepare healthier meals for myself, even if I were the only one enjoying them.
I am very proud of how I helped my son keep his interest in school. It takes 100% attention to keep him focused, and I need to get him to practice his multiplication more.
I am glad that I am able to help my parents with bills. That my boyfriend is not loosing his job for not having a car. That I am able to lift the labor burden from others.
Cleaning and being observant of my thoughts I learned that being bullied in highschool really hurt and sometimes still does. Perhaps a helpful thing would be being ready for that moment when someone is thoughtless with their comments about what so and so stepped in we can remind them that they are not part of that issue. To the person suffering humiliation I would hope that someone would tell them that they are still valuable person. The past is past.
Whenever noticing emotional trouble, ask: what’s going on with the breath? Is tension or deep far away thinking getting in the way of getting a good balance of air supply? One may think automatic emotional responses are reactions that can’t be avoided, but the breath is the key to controling unconscious involuntary processes because it is the one gear in the machine that is controlled conciously as well as unconciously and it has an effect on so many other gears like the brain, heart, nervous system, mitochondria, circulation, etc. It feels like changing the dial and getting to a better channel on the inside. I like to imagine all my little mitochondrias lighting up, and getting stoked up like blowing on embers in a bon fire, and blowing out is letting out a bit of smoke and steam, helping detox byproducts of past inputs.
… especially around the single ladies”, I knew this guy was thinking after a blank stare as we talked about how he couldn’t take his kids to go ride go carts because they were all grown up, and I mentioned grandkids. He had asked before this how old my son was and commented on what a great age that was because after that they get an attitude. Then thoughtfully he added he had a friend that had very nice kids that didn’t have an attitude. I asked him about the father’s personality. He said that he did things with his kids, but so did he. But this guy had the challenge of raising 3 boys by himself and the mom pretty much abandoned them.
“That had to be very hard to do.” I said, “You know your kids probably felt rejected and their defense was to reject others before people can reject them.”
He said, “You know that makes sense. You could help people with stuff like that.”
“I like to read articles about it. One way around that would be to do 3-5 helpful things a day, so they see you are there to help; even if it is as simple as getting a glass of water.”
He put his hand on the counter and said, “Thank you”.