Here is a quick article on the do’s and don’ts of childhood anxiety. The main take aways here are to ask questions open as possible without any bias to it. Just leave out negative words. Then, help them feel like you really heard them, “So what your saying is…” This is kind of a tricky part, because it’s best not to let your emotions get the best of you. I only have one kid, but I still find it a challenge not to react to ear shattering yelling or complaining. And instead, just try to be observant. So, once you communicated that you fully understand what the issue is, then you can either give them your perspective, reasons why they can get through it, or give them ideas that would make things easier. Saying things like, “It’s not so bad.” Will only tarnish credibility, because it already feels so bad. Anyway, it’s a great article, and there’s lots more great info about this.
Basically, when you are aware of your worth at all times, then no one else can sell you short, or make you doubt that you can handle a certain situation. Because, after all, we change and get better every day with practice, anyway.
So keep inventory:
Are you focused/hard-working, a networking hub, or idea factory?
Is your writing organized/educational or entertaining/cinematic?
Are you great at diffusing difficult situations, kind, good at coming up with win-win solutions, or making everyone laugh?
Put these little reminders somewhere you’ll see them every day, so when you are feeling bad for being in a bad/tired mood, you’ll be reminded of all your good characteristics and you can have faith it will pass. You might even be able to help someone you love feel better about a certain situation that’s bothering them when you remind them of what they have going for them. ❤
What are some ways you remind yourself of your true value? Can you think of 100 great qualities that you have?
What gives people the motivation to start a career, or start a business? How do people have the gumption to get up in the morning to make their bed in five minutes as part of their routine? Before reading Millionaire Success Habits, by Dean Graziosi, I probably would have just grumbled at those questions, because that’s just the default way I have perceived my world so far. But now I know: one has to consciously, tenaciously practice happiness. I’m going to be replacing those energy zapping thoughts and emotions with these 10 tips. Now, I can reread them until I can recall them as tools in my mental toolbox:
1. Define what happiness looks and feels like to you. What brings you peace and makes you smile? What purpose gives your life meaning? What are you thankful for? Make a list, and add too it often. Know that what makes you happy will change as you change in life.
2. Make the present your friend, and be happy today. If you’re having a bad moment, then it’s ok to take comfort in the thought that every day is different, or that you and your friend have tickets to a great show Friday. Just don’t tell yourself you have to wait for some life altering event to happen like kids moving out or buying your own place to finally be happy.
Please, don’t spend too much time fretting that you can’t get into your usual hobbies. Keep trying to find positive, productive things that will lift your spirit. Maybe you’re tired of music today because it’s reminding you of a fight, are too blue to go to the gym because there is music playing, but maybe calisthenics and push ups at home would work. Can’t get into guided meditation to change your mood? Have a creative/artistic block? Maybe reading how to speed read and why it’s important is just the thing to give you hope for the future. Or maybe trying a new craft might be a new discovery to share/inspire friends on social media, or have more skills to attract money in the market place.
There are benefits to seeing a talent through 10,000 hours of practice over many years. But, it’s ultimately up to you how much you stretch your limits and focus on getting better in the present moment that adds up over time. Remember when you learned a new thing and that moment was full of excitement?
3. Stop unproductive over-thinking. All day everyday we are thinking. It is the key to our emotions, so I’ve been being more aware of learning new things by reading instead of beating myself up with “shoulds” and things that I think will prequalify me to be able to do something. It’s worth giving something a try to see what’s truly needed to do something. Know it’s never too late to learn new things especially if you have strengths that could be applied to other areas.
Don’t assume anything. One angry customer does not mean every customer will be angry, especially after you learn more about how to help them. Maybe, after you talk to someone or are just around someone they may seem to be in a bad mood and those things can seem related if you start wondering if you remind them of one of their problems, but truly are these things your responsibility? I think beyond asking about it, seeing things from their point of view, and being reasonable, Dean would probably say, “No, don’t take it personally”. Comments mysteriously dissapearing can make one feel they said something wrong or irrelevant, but a deleted comment might just be an accident from an automatic spam filter. And someone being nice may just be a genuinely nice person.
4. Focus on the positive outcome. For those who have drove in their life–we’ve all had that experience: something catches our eye and our vehicle like magic starts drifting that direction.
Now, visualize where you want to succeed, what makes you happy, try to imagine what the missing piece of the puzzle may be, go through the steps, and what that would look like. The next thing you know, you’ll have a new trick/idea to work on and get better at.
Protect your peace. Negative stuff is going to scream for your attention, you may even try to control other’s negativity (like me writing this article, oops). After the point of sharing what I think may work for me though, I’m just going to let negativity pass by; especially if I have no control over that situation. The more we practice focusing on happiness, that’s where our vehicles will go.
5. Let go of specific outcomes. Hold on to dreams loosely, because you may have to brainstorm to make them better, and ride a new current.
6. Don’t be afraid to fail. I tell my son, each failure is a step towards success. Sometimes you need to rule out how not to do something before honing in on the perfect technique. Be proud that you tried at an opportunity, and look for the lessons.
7. Let go of grudges. I’m going to use a computer metaphor here: Clear up some RAM for good stuff. Take a deep breath, clear the cache, history, close/delete useless programs, and let those cookies expire.
8. Be grateful for what is in front of you. Got some walls around you protecting you from the bitter cold wind? I don’t care what’s going on with or around me, after working nights; the greatest place in the world is a soft mattress, with nice sheets, and fluffy blanket and pillow.
About to pop off and quit? Think about all those paid bills or the ones that are outstanding. That saved me from making a rash fool of myself at work when I was starting out. After some time had passed, things weren’t as biting anyways, and I was thankful I was able to prove to myself I could stay calm in that moment; that’s a plus one for confidence.
9. Don’t settle for “good enough”. Strive for the next level in skills. If you’re not feeling appreciated, then show others you trust and you know love you unconditionally that you want to improve the relationship. Find opportunities to share fun.
Prove to yourself that you are awesome. Do the best you can. Put your best foot forward.
10. Be part of something bigger. It could be spiritually, or with purpose. Something as simple as providing food for another can make one feel needed and give purpose and longevity. What makes you feel you made the world a better place?
Have a purpose? Find that emotional motivation to see you through the storm using this method.
I love this post about finding 100 things to like about one’s self. Chelsea wrote this in the Bipolar Mental Health Blog. If you find yourself being critical give it a try. I wanted to inspire others with some ideas incase they were having trouble thinking of anything. Are some of these traits you are glad you have as well?
1. Help when possible.
2. Can read.
3. Can write.
4. Enjoy going for a run.
5. Can make someone laugh.
6. Work a job.
7. Keep bills paid.
8. Keep a car maintained.
9. Clean the house.
10. Don’t let other’s opinion define my self.
11. Strive to act with integrity.
12. Happy when others succeed.
13. Seek to comfort.
14. Not judgmental, unless slighted.
15. Still and observant.
16. Can speak in front of crowds.
17. Like to challenge myself.
18. Can cook.
17. Basic knowledge of local plants and their status of edibility and how to prepare.
18. Like to do math.
19. Can plant perennial flowers like irises, mint, oregano, yucca, daylillies, and hostas and they survive.
20. People have paid me money to plant flowers, remove unwanted plants, and spread mulch.
21. Can drive.
22. Feel appreciated by my partner.
23. Appreciate the help of my partner.
24. Cares for pets by providing food and fresh water every day.
25. Can accept my mistakes, avoid them in the future, and warn others so they might prevent the same fate from happening again.
26. In control of my choices.
27. Can organize my priorities and get things done
28. Can identify problems coming up over the horizon and plan accordingly with what resources available.
29. Like to learn new words from other languages.
30. Like to learn about other cultures.
31. Not attached to material things.
32. Take steps to share things I no longer need.
33. Know when and why anger/fear happens, and how to let it go so it doesn’t get in the way of problem solving.
34. Better at saying no without getting stuck in an unwinnable argument.
35. Have stopped over explaining so much.
36. Considerate of others as much as possible for what I am focusing on.
37. Take care of myself.
38. Make healthy choices.
39. Can hear and listen.
40. Worthy to feel dignity.
41. Can accept myself, and be at peace.
42. Don’t have to prove anything outlandish to anyone.
43. Don’t compare myself to anyone.
44. Can enjoy the profound things that people learn.
45. Can do 4 pull ups (not to be confused with dooing in 4 pull-ups, I’ll do that much later).
46. Can do dips.
47. Can do lots of push ups.
48. No longer feel the need to wear push ups.
49. Enjoys the moment
50. Enjoy hating music that cannot be escaped from.
51. Can appreciate new and old music.
52. Have reduced my fossil fuel use, trying to stick to just necessity.
53. Stays out of arguing about politics.
54. Stays motivated, for the most part.
55. Can find things to be interested in.
56. Doesn’t sleep in as horribly as I used to.
57. Seek to improve myself, never giving up on myself.
58. Have hope that I can get better at organizing my time.
59. People pay me to clean.
60. People are impressed with how I keep items stocked during a breakfast buffet.
61. Can type fairly quickly and accurately.
62. Have learned to write better by coaching my son in school.
63. Seeing old aquaintances is a happy discovery for me.
64. Celebrate even small achievements.
65. Can remember my dreams.
66. Still believe in magic.
67. Still read to my son.
68. Love to roller skate and ice skate.
69. Learning to ask more questions to understand things better and help people feel included.
70. I am mindful to keep healthy eye habits such as going for walks without glasses, nutrition, and proper eye rest.
71. I don’t keep stereotypes or opinions outside of context. I keep the benefit of the doubt until I get proof.
72. Pretty good at keeping a budget.
73. Pretty good with logic.
75. Can tolerate some cold.
76. Don’t limit myself.
77. More open to feedback or contructive criticism.
78. Keep a growth mindset.
79. Seek to create unique content while enjoying a conversation with others.
80. Understand how to use AdSense.
81. Could do better with AdSense
82. Have empathy.
83. Am patient.
84. Know how to ask for help in a way others feel needed.
85. Was able to create heat in a thermophilic compost pile.
86. Know the proper technique for kicks, punches, and blocks.
87. Know yoga
88. Understand scales, chords, and music notation.
89. Can keep rhythm on a djembe.
90. Won’t criticize anyone for saying djembe wrong (did that once, it sucked)
91. Always forgive, but don’t always trust.
92. Learned to state expectations.
93. Have worked to understand people better.
94. Give hugs everyday
95. Believe everyone matters.
96. Seek to know thyself
97. Seek to keep the 8 noble paths of buddism
98. Religiously tolerant, but knows to not get used.
99. Love flying spaghetti man.
100. …that one’s a secret. 😉